"I think I'd like to be a blender in my next life. Like if I can't be a kappa girl, I'd be a blender." @stephenautar
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Laken Howard (@lakenisahorcrux) January 17, 2012"I found love in a cheese cube" @stephenautar
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Jenna Van Duyne (@JennaVanDuyne) January 18, 2012I did the albums, so now it’s time for my ~favorite~ singles of the year. I actually think there were a lot of great singles released this year and I actually managed to listen to quite a few of them, unlike the year’s album releases. I KNOW YOU ARE ALL EXPECTING THIS LIST TO BE ALL BRITNEY AND FOR A MINUTE I WAS CONTEMPLATING DOING THAT BUT I WILL SHOW RESTRAINT AND DIVERSIFY.
10/Jennifer Lopez – Papi (Listen/Watch)
First off, let me just say I am a huge Jennifer Lopez fan. I enjoy her music, I enjoy her looks, I enjoy her mediocre acting and I genuinely like her despite the ~diva~ rep she gets. I see myself in JLo because in a number of years I am going to be fierce and fucking fabulous and I will say, “Yes, I was born and raised in The Bronx and you will fucking deal with it.” Her album Love? was released this year and I really enjoyed most of it, it’s a good collection of pop tunes. The one song that stood out of the pack, though, has always been “Papi.” From the first listen, it was immediate love. It’s a delicious, fiery hot dance/pop number complete with a dance break á la the last decade and groundbreaking lyrics in the pop genre like “move your body,” “rock ya body,” and “put your hands up.” It starts off with an alarm-ish sound thing — always a good thing — and then evolves into a hand-clapping storming beat until it climaxes and the beat drops and JENNY FROM DA BLOCK starts sangin’. It’s glorious. Bound to elicit some sort of dancing from even Helen Keller.
09/Wynter Gordon – Til Death (Listen/Watch)
As I said in my snippet about her album, Wynter Gordon is a huge talent. “Til Death” is only proof of that very truth. It’s nothing mind-blowing or anything that changes the face of pop music, but just a song that is really fucking good. A fun track with a nice beat and catchy lyricism, what more could you want? Her vocals are soft and fun loaded with absolute conviction, you can’t help but get drawn in and sing along. The Denzal Park Radio Edit somehow makes it even more awesome.
08/Ke$ha – Blow (Listen/Watch)
Ke$ha is my qween. She’s brashy, loud, in-your-face, balls-to-the-wall fun with a shitload of glitter injected in there for good measure. She’s unapologetically pop and I love her for it. “Blow” is an absolute TUNE. It pulsates with sex and electro — which are very good things in pop music, fyi — and the chorus is major. Again, nothing groundbreaking or truly remarkable, just a fun pop song that you can listen to while getting ready to go out, in the car going out and while you’re out. It’s literally perfect and mentions boys dropping their Hanes. I mean, really, what more could you ask for?
07/Rihanna – We Found Love (Listen/Watch)
If you told me back when this song first emerged it would be the longest-leading number one single on the Hot 100 I would have laughed in your face. It’s a good song, yes, but to even think it would earn such an accolade? I didn’t believe it. And yet, it has somehow managed to do just that. With 8 weeks atop the Hot 100, it’s the year’s longest stint at number one. It isn’t hard to see why the public has embraced the song so much. The production is flawless, thank you, Calvin Harris and the song’s handful of lyrics allow that to really shine and dominate the presence. Rihanna’s vocals aren’t weak on this track, per se, but they sort of dim in comparison to the amazing production; they sort of float on the track, adding on to its superb sound and quality.
06/Neon Hitch – Get Over U (Listen/Watch)
I don’t know who Neon Hitch is or where she came from or what her plans for the future are, but what I do know is that everything she’s released so far has been excellent. Of the three tracks I’ve heard (“Bad Dog,” “Get Over U” and “Silly Girl”) “Get Over U” is my favorite by a whole lot. It’s soft but still so vibrant and her voice is so different than something I’d expect from a dance/pop artists, I absolute love it. It feels like this song is only a small taste of what she truly has to offer and I’m hooked. Cannot wait to see what 2012 brings for her and I wait with my debit card in hand to purchase her newest singles off iTunes.
05/The Saturdays – All Fired Up (Listen/Watch)
My favorited dance/pop act from across the pond, The Saturdays have never failed me in releasing delicious pop tunes. It’s a shame they’ve never gone to number 1, though. “All Fired Up” sounds like what is their voracious attempt to finally snag the coveted spot, and while it failed to do that for them, it remains a gem of a song. It’s sleek, sexy and oh so grown up from the singles they’ve released before. It snaps, crackles and pops with vibrancy, life and an infectious sound that gets stuck in your head and makes you want to dance. It is literally free of flaw, from the girls’ excellent vocal delivery to the beat, pulsating with bass and electronic-sex-pop.
04/Nicola Roberts – Beat of My Drum (Listen/Watch)
I’ve never warmed up to Girls Aloud so I found it surprising when I fell in love with Nicola Roberts. Her debut solo single, “Beat of My Drum” is a joyous, infectious pop tune that exudes naught but fun. Including a cheerleader-like chant (L-O-V-E!), a hot beat, vocal stuttering (!!!) and just a hint of Nicola’s enviable accent, it literally features everything needed for a good time. Don’t be alarmed when you start singing along on your first listen.
03/David Guetta – Titanium (feat. Sia) (Listen/Watch)
I honestly don’t even know where to begin with this song. It’s a beautiful emerald (my favorite stone kthx) shimmering with every positive aspect of a pop song: gorgeous ethereal vocals, effortless delivery, great beat that slowly makes its way to a boil resulting in a throbbing climax of surging electronic music. It’s so good it will make you WHIMPER. I did, at least…
03/Adele – Rolling In The Deep (Listen/Watch)
Adele is Jesus and you will deal. The lead single off her sophomore album is anthemic at this point. Adele’s honest vocals, the foot-stomping beat, the strumming, the way it all builds up to this glorious peak, everything about this song just works so well there’s no wonder it stayed at number one for as long as it did. Overplayed? Yes. But rightfully so.
02/Britney Spears – Hold It Against Me (Listen/Watch)
No other pop song released this year had such a strong and immediate reaction from me as this one right here. I remember when the demo leaked, I awoke to texts and tweets asking me what I thought of the song and immediately I jumped out of bed, powered up my mom’s laptop and downloaded the song off Hulkshare. And it was beautiful. I was literally reduced to trembles, as the force of the song overwhelmed me to such a degree. I remember someone on my Twitter timeline described it as “schizophrenic” and I couldn’t agree more; it starts and it stops and it starts up again and then revs its engine before going all out and exploding into a filthy bit of dupstep, etc etc. It was bliss upon the first listen and the second and the third and every single on thereafter, which is probably why it didn’t take long for it to catapult up to the top of my iPod’s most played songs, where it currently stands with 2414 plays and counting. Its a strong, solid pop record that made a statement that is as true upon its release as it is today: Britney Spears is STILL here2stay.
01/Marina & the Diamonds – Radioactive (Listen/Watch)
Back when I was crafting this list, I debated a long time with naming this song or “Hold It Against Me” as my favorite of 2011. Obviously I only wanted to say HIAM was my favorite because it’s Britney and all things Britney automatically get preference in my eyes, but when it comes down to it, “Radioactive” made the biggest impact on me throughout the entire year. I liked Marina’s debut album well enough, it was a great set of pop songs that were fresh and fun and everything a new artist should be, but it wasn’t the sort of record that captured my feelings or ears entirely and made me want to listen to it constantly all year. “Radioactive,” on the other hand, is exactly that kind of record. From the opening xylophone-sounding moments it grabs your attention and Marina’s full-bodied voices captures it entirely and holds it in its hand until the very last second when you’re aching to hear it again and again and again. While I think the concept of Marina’s alter-ego Electra Heart is pretentious and useless as fuck, I’m desperate for her full-length record to arrive.
It is the end of the year which means end-of-the-year lists! Wooo!! I must say, though, I didn’t listen to much music this year — college really fucked with my priorities. Instead of keeping up with all the latest in pop music I was busy studying, you know? Even when you look at my lastfm – which I used to brag about but now keep hidden away most of the time – chart of the albums I’ve listened to in the past 12 months, many of them on the list aren’t even from this year. Regardless, here is the list of what I think were the best albums of the handful I listened to this year:
10. Rihanna – Talk That Talk
I reviewed this album back when it leaked and I wasn’t too impressed with it. But, just like 2010′s Rihanna offering, Loud, it’s a grower, not a shower. It somehow managed to worm its way into my heart and I have come to like it. I still hold that it’s too brashy and aggressive to reach its ~full of sexuality~ credential everyone keeps giving it. It, however, remains the weakest record on this list, rightfully securing its spot at the bottom.
Listen to: “Where Have You Been,” “Birthday Cake,” “Roc Me Out,” “Red Lipstick,” “Fool In Love”
09. Beyoncé – 4
Beyoncé remains one of my least favourite popstars. Her thievery is unacceptable and I’ve not been able to warm up to her at all. That being said, the woman puts out highly enjoyable music. With the exception of this album’s lead single, “Run The World (Girls),” a jarring, jerking, non-stop hot mess of a track that basically molested Major Lazer’s “Pon de Floor” in an over-extended sample, of course. That shit was just awful. When I heard that song I immediately a) laughed, b) cringed and c) lowered my expectations immensely for Beyoncé’s then-upcoming album. If this was the shit she was going to be putting out, I wanted nothing to do with it. Thankfully, though, 4 is nothing like that horrendous track. A gorgeous collection of R&B tracks with only simple traces of her popstar-side. Her voice has always been her greatest asset and it’s set up so beautifully on this record. A commercial flop, yes, but brimming with great artistry and talent nonetheless.
Listen to: “Love On Top,” “Countdown,” “End of Time”
08. Kelly Rowland – Here I Am
Kelly Rowland was always my favorite spawn of Destiny, I must say. Her 2002 collaboration with Nelly, “Dilemma,” was a fantastic song and garnered her much love and support from me. But I can’t say I had much incentive to follow her through her solo career until I heard “Commander (feat. David Guetta)” last summer. An absolute fierce club banger, it prompted me to sit up and take notice of Kelly once more. The album, as it turns out, isn’t a set of club anthems, but mostly R&B tracks with a few dance tracks thrown in. I typically stay far away from R&B but I surprisingly found this set really enjoyable. Probably because she wasn’t crying about her boyfriend cheating on her, etc. It’s fun and sexy and grown, JUZ LYK MS KELLY BABY.
Listen to: “Motivation (feat. Lil Wayne),” “Work It Man (feat. Lil Playy),” “Lay It On Me (feat. Big Sean),” “Feelin Me Right Now”
07. Kelly Clarkson – Stronger
Kelly Clarkson is my favorite Popstar With A Voice, hands down. Christina and Beyoncé have incredible voices, yes, but I feel like Kelly Clarkson is the only one who knows how to use her heavenly vocals well and exercise proper restraint. The end result of all she comes out with is always beautiful and Stronger is no exception. It’s a strong set of pop songs featuring her strong voice. It’s less sugary and bright than All I Ever Wanted but less dark than My December. It’s just perfect where it’s at – JUST LIKE KELLY’S WEIGHT SO STFU H8IN ASS HOES.
Listen to: “Stronger,” “Let Me Down,” “Einstein,” “Don’t Be A Girl About It”
06. Lady GaGa – Born This Way
I in no way keep my disdain for Lady Gaga hidden. The mere thought of her makes my skin crawl because I just find her so goddamn annoying. My review of the album covered all this, and hit upon one important point: despite her shenanigans and antics and over-the-top unnecessary fuckery, she puts out consistently enjoyable music. With the exception of a few tracks, Born This Way is an excellent pop album featuring a strong vocal performance and solid pop jams.
Listen to: “Marry The Night,” “Heavy Metal Lover,” “Hair”
05. Florence + the Machine – Ceremonials
A woman with an gorgeous voice put out a spectacular album this year. Truthfully, I didn’t listen to Lungs but I’m sure it is every bit as impressive, enthralling and beautiful as this gem. Her voice soars throughout delivering a wonderful, heartfelt, gorgeous experience. There’s nothing more to say than it’s a truly beautiful collection of music.
Listen to: Every song
04. Bon Iver – Bon Iver
Bon Iver first captured my interest back in 2008 with For Emma, Forever Ago, a beautiful album featuring one of my favorite songs, “Skinny Love.” The jagged voice, crooning throughout the album is beautiful, haunting and just so damn captivating. Bon Iver, the album, is just as amazing. The production and vocals are so masterful and well done, if you close your eyes and listen to the music it’s so easy to just get swept away and drown yourself in the beauty of the sounds. It’s a smooth, tranquil ride that in no way fails to make an impression. It’s no wonder Pitchfork named it the best album of the year.
Listen to: “Perth,” “Calgary,” “Michicant”
03. Wynter Gordon – With the Music I Die
Phenomenal album, to put it short. Wynter Gordon possesses amazing talent as both a singer and songwriter. Her voice is heavenly, angelic almost, and her delivery is almost always flawless. With The Music I Die is an exceptional collection of dance-pop music in which the vocals, not the production, rightfully dominate the spotlight.
Listen to: “Dirty Talk,” “Drunk On Your Love,” “All My Life,” “In The Morning (feat. Robbie McCall)”
01. Adele – 21
01. Britney Spears – Femme Fatale
While Britney sits at the top of the list (no surprise there), it’s not to say that Femme Fatale made more of an impression on me than 21. Both of these albums delivered this year in the form of cohesive and well-executed albums. Adele’s 21 is the champion of heartbreak, with an exemplary tracklisting that delivers an overwhelmingly beautiful set of songs that will not fail to pluck on your heartstrings. Her flawless huge voice fills up every space imaginable delivering a performance wrought with honesty and emotion leaving you exhilarated, breathless and just as impacted by this relationship as she sounds. Britney’s Femme Fatale, on the other hand, is the champion of fun, entertaining escapist pop music. There isn’t one single thought linking the tracklisting together, besides having fun. From the schizophrenic thrilling ride of “Hold It Against Me” to the flutes of “Criminal” it’s a power-packed collection of pop music that injects a much-needed dose of simple pop fun without a backstory or pink wig or avant garde wardrobe. There’s conviction in her voice as she plays around throughout the album. A non-stop dance party with “Criminal” serving as a moment to breathe before kicking it back into high gear with the deluxe edition bonus tracks, Britney delivered an incredible force field of pop with this one.
Listen to: 21: “Rolling In The Deep,” “Turning Tables,” “Set Fire to the Rain,” “Someone Like You” Femme Fatale: “Hold It Against Me,” “Inside Out,” “Seal It With A Kiss,” “How I Roll”
The carpet is red — but not cherry red, more so pomegranate red. I am 5, maybe 6, 7 or 8, and I’m sitting on the somewhat hard pomegranate red carpet across from my sister. We are in our room, playing, I think. This would be a random insignificant memory if not for the string of words I heard my sister say: “You’re adopted.”
It wasn’t true, of course. She was just trying to wind me up, and she succeeded. For some time the thought of being adopted consumed me. My sister had said my real mother had died so there wasn’t the possibility of going to find her like the main characters in novels I would read and cherish later in life. I was stuck, stuck there in this family that wasn’t my own apparently.
I can’t believe how foolish I was to so easily have believed her then. But then I realize I was a completely different person then. I was shy at home, uncomfortable around my family. I’d always felt like an outsider, different from the rest of them so the idea of being adopted probably wouldn’t have seemed too farfetched to my naïve mind.
Six-year-old me looked at my family with such wonder; they were so confident, so comfortable being themselves, so free. They were so different from me, so strong. I felt so disconnected from them. It was as if there was a chasm separating us with no bridge to cross over.
I don’t remember laughing much with my family as a child. I didn’t allow myself. I kept myself restricted. I spent my free time looking out the window for hours at a time or reading, escaping to some other world in a fantasy novel. I didn’t speak much, I looked down at the floor as much as possible, I kept to myself. It wasn’t as if my mother or my grandmother or any of my uncles had directed me to behave this way. It was all my decision. It was as if being around all of these strong personalities had stifled me.
Today, it could not be more different. I grew up and into myself. I grew close to my family, slowly. I started spending time with them because I wanted to. I laughed with them. I was happy being with them. I realized there had been a bridge to cross the chasm the entire time; I just hadn’t bothered to look.
I accredit so much of who I am to the support I’ve received from my family. So much of me is a product of my experiences with them and I’m thankful for it. I’m proud of who I am because I am my mother’s son, my grandparents’ grandchild, my aunt and uncle’s nephew, my sister’s brother. And I know that even if I had been adopted, it wouldn’t have mattered. Mine is the family I was meant to have and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Today is my birthday and I am eighteen. In the time I’ve spent living, making mistakes and learning the one thing I think that has been most important to me is this, from my latest Huffington Post blog post (SHAMELESS PLUG):
Like I told them at the high school, no part of the intense satisfaction with my life I feel today would have been possible had I not made it a priority to make myself happy, and that’s really all it comes down to. With coming out, I learned that’s the most important thing to take away from any challenge. We all deserve to be happy — so what are you going to do to get what you deserve?
That truly is the biggest piece of the puzzle I’ve picked up thus far. I spent a lot of time trying to make other people happy and other people comfortable with who I am, but that was a ton of time wasted. I’ve decided the number one person I need to answer to will always be myself and I keep that thought in mind in going forth.
Sure, it is important for me to make my family proud. Family is a big part of who I am but my own happiness comes before theirs. I’m the one person living my life and I’m the one person who has to deal with 100% of the decisions I make, so I might as well make these decisions worthwhile and relevant to my interests, hopes and desires as cliché as those words are. Disappointment, as I once posted on here, is something I feel is extremely detrimental to human behavior. It is quite literally the worst feeling I’ve ever known and in my opinion, the worst feeling known to man. And while I would feel like complete shit if I somehow end up disappointing my grandfather – arguably the most important person to me in my life – I know I’d feel even more worthless if I end up doing something that disappoints me. I know my strengths, I think I know my weaknesses and I have a pretty good estimation of my self-worth and I’d hate to do anything that would betray that.
So, today I am eighteen and tomorrow I will be eighteen and one day. And today, tomorrow and every day after that I will try my absolute best to honor my self-worth. I can see the value in myself and I’m so fucking proud of myself and all I have accomplished and all I have yet to do, even if it’s hard for me to admit sometimes. But I’m working on reaching a plateau of contentedness, a place of satisfaction with where I’ve gone and who I’ve become because that’s really my one measure of success: how happy I am.
Today is Tuesday, November 08, 2011, a very special day. Today marks two years that I’ve been out as a gay man to my family.
Reading last year’s post on this day, I realize how much of that is still true. While these past twelve months have been exceptionally less difficult than the first twelve, I’m still just as proud of myself and as happy with myself today as I was last year, and I know I’m still growing, still evolving, still becoming the person I’m meant to be. I also know that the interactions with other people have played a huge part in my staying positive, so thank you so very much to everyone whose talked to me and shown me kindness – which has been just about everyone I’ve talked to.
Coming out propelled me to really look at myself and reflect on who I am, shedding the layers I’d donned in an effort to mask who I am. I’m truly so glad it happened. Today I can go anywhere and not be so overly concerned with how the world views me. Gone are the days of my double life: hiding from my family while overtly out when not around them. It’s such a relief to not have to do that anymore, and it feels amazing to know that I have family who support me still.
Two years ago I was a junior in high school, unsure of where my future was heading. I sometimes read some of my old posts and I see how upset, angry and just confused I was in high school. I was truly in a place I felt was stifling me and stunting my growth in so many ways and I didn’t know how to properly deal with that – who would? Today I’m a freshman in the college I’ve held on a pedestal since I was 14 years old, the school of my freshman-year dreams. I feel alive, vibrant and allowed to spread my wings. I haven’t felt this able to reach my potential in ages. My life is so much nicer. And even when I think back to my senior year, last year, that was one of the best years of my life. That was the first year where I didn’t feel socially inhibited in a really long time and it felt so damn good. I’m beyond pleased with the way things have turned out for me.
I realize that I’ve had it luckier than some and words cannot begin to express how grateful I am for that. I’m glad I’ve retained the support of the family I love. I’m glad I didn’t have to lose any friends in the process of coming out, but rather gained so much strength and support in the form of relationships with other people. I’m glad I never suffered at the hands of another individual because of who I am and what about myself I cannot and I refuse to change. I’ve been exceptionally blessed and I am so thankful for it.
I recognize this acutely and so I’ve decided that I’m going to try and do something for some of those people who may not be as lucky as I was. I decided a long time ago that when I came to college I was really going to work on bettering myself and I feel that one way to do that is to get involved in things that will enrich both my life and my character. One such thing that fits in perfectly with this is a student group on campus, Project ShoutOUT. One of its aims is to uplift LGBT youth, and one way they’re planning on doing that is by going to high schools to actually speak to such youth.
That’s something I know I need to do. I remember what it was like to be scared of coming out, to be scared of what being gay might mean to the world around me. And because I’ve been so lucky I feel somewhat obligated to help make someone else’s experience easier in any way I can. And participating in something like this is one such example, I think. I wish I’d had people come speak to me about how being gay isn’t going to be the end of the world, to encourage me to be me and keep striving for my goals despite the adversity I know I’ll face. It’s a harsh world out there, but it’s important to know that not everyone is cold and I think that not enough LGBT youth know that very important fact.
I may not be proud of all the choices I’ve made in my life nor of the person I used to be but I can honestly say I regret none of it because those experiences molded me into the person I am today and I’m incredibly fucking proud to be me. I want other people to have that feeling, to stand tall and take a deep breath and say, “Wow. It sure is great to be me.”
“For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required.” — Luke 12:48
I never thought the day would come where I would be willingly quoting The Bible. Yet here we are. It’s the formal wording of that ubiquitous saying, “To whom much is given, much is expected,” which I remember my English teacher told me my senior year of high school (aka, like, 5 months ago). And she wasn’t the only one.
I look back at all the things I remember from my 17 years of living and I have come to the same conclusion a friend so bluntly told me back in 8th grade: I’ve been really spoiled. I’ve been so fortunate throughout my entire life, having been granted a shitload of things: I’m in good health and pretty much always have been; I’m not an unattractive guy; I have friends; I am loved by the people closest to me, my family; I have a great group of people who support me in all of my endeavors; I’m a pretty smart fellow; and most recently, I’m attending one of the top universities in the country, the school I’ve wanted to go to since I was a freshman in high school.
That’s basically the short list. I could go on and on but even I wouldn’t want to read that. The point of iterating these things is to highlight the fact that I’ve been really blessed. I have a lot because I’ve been given a lot, especially a lot of opportunities. I wouldn’t be nearly as successful as I am today without having had the help of more than many handfuls’ worth of people — people who gave me their time, effort and support so that I could go on to do and achieve the things that were/are important to me. To them I owe so much.
So, to honor them and the work they’ve put into getting me to who and where I am today, I’m holding up my end of the bargain. They’ve given me so much and so I am trying to do so much in return. Which is why the minute I heard about Dance Marathon here at Northwestern, I knew I wanted to participate.
Dance Marathon (DM) is one of the largest student-run charity events in the country. It is essentially a 30-hour dance party in which participants just dance for 30 consecutive hours. Dancers raise at least $400 individually in order to participate in the event. Sponsors – individual and corporate – are usually how the money is raised in order to benefit the charity chosen each year.
This year, the beneficiary of all proceeds raised by DM is The Andrew McDonough B+ (Be Positive) Foundation for childhood cancer. While I don’t know anyone who has been affected by childhood cancer, I know of people who have been affected by cancer. It’s obviously a terrible disease and no one should have to suffer like that – least of all a CHILD.
In order to contribute as much as I possibly can, I would really appreciate any and all support from you — the people I’ve forged such great relationships with online. If you would like to support me as a dancer in this cause, I would really appreciate it so much. The easiest way to do so would be online, via Google Checkout. Make sure to type in my name (Stephen Autar) by clicking ‘Add special instructions‘. If you are deciding to donate, it’d be great if you check with your employer to see if it’s a matching gift company which would essentially double your gift for free, basically! (I believe once you donate via credit card you would take the credit card receipt to the HR department and they would just take care of it from there.)
I would really appreciate any and all support in this venture. Though the Dance Marathon is in March, the month of November – especially this year – is important to me. I turn 18 on the 29th of this year, which is really exciting but also the 8th marks the two year anniversary of my coming out which is something I’m especially proud of and happy for.
So thank you again for all of your friendships and support. I’ve said this more than a few times but I feel like it can’t be iterated enough: the relationships I’ve formed online through social media have truly left a lasting impact on me. I’ve met some truly exceptional people and I’m so grateful for it.
So as everyone is aware, Kim Kardashian is reported to be filing divorce from her husband Kris Humphries after 72 days of matrimony and a $10 million wedding and yadda yadda yadda. Sure, it’s funny and who didn’t see it coming, but honestly I do not see what the big deal about this entire situation is. Celebrity divorces are a dime a dozen, we see them happen all the time yet we treat each and every one like it’s something never seen before. I just do not fucking understand it.
The things I’ve seen most people commenting on are the fact that GAYS CAN’T GET MARRIED YET SHE WAS MARRIED FOR ONLY 72 DAYS AND IS ALREADY GETTING A DIVORCE OMG THE WORLD IS UNJUST!!!!11 and KIM KARDASHIAN IS SO FAKE SHE GOT PAID FOR BEING MARRIED OMG AND SHE SPENT $10 MILLION ON HER WEDDING OH MY GOD WHAT A WHORE and KIM KARDASHIAN WAS ONLY MARRIED FOR 72 DAYS THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE IS DEAD~~!!!*
Ugh. I’d just like to address all of these statements.
1. The gays-can’t-get-married-but-she-can-get-divorced-after-72-days argument. I once used to be an avid supporter of arguments like this. It made sense to me, why is it that she is able to get married but gays can’t, especially when she’s only going to get divorced in a little under 3 months?? But then I realized, heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships have intrinsically the same dynamics, you know? What differentiates a homosexual relationship from a heterosexual relationship besides the sex of the partners? Nothing, right? It’s just the gender-related makeup of the relationship that makes the two not the same. Which means the same shit that can happen in a straight marriage, e.g., a divorce after 72 days of matrimony, could happen in a gay marriage! This argument just seems to me like people are glorifying gay relationships making it seem like gays would NEVER get married and then immediately divorced – which seems highly impractical to me. Unless you’re upset because you’re gay and want to get married and then subsequently divorced, I just don’t see the merit in plastering this on placards and traipsing up and down midtown Manhattan.
2. I’m grouping the other 2 together. The Kim-Kardashian-is-a-famewhore-who-has-ruined-the-sanctity-of-marriage. I would like to initially like to say that Kim Kardashian got famous from a sex tape. So we know she’s not wholesome. Sure she tries to play up that image nowadays, but we all know deep down what she’s capable of! I mean, I am a fan of Kim Kardashian. I think she’s entertaining and a great entrepreneur and I would one day love to take a business class on building/growing your personal brand taught by her and her mom, but I also acknowledge the fact that she’s not some great pillar of morality against which everyone should be judged. Because she simply isn’t. And I would also like to point out that Kim’s current source of income is being a celebrity. She gets paid for being relevant and famous. Yes, in other words a famewhore. So why are we surprised by the cost of the wedding or the fact that she profited from this wedding? It was a highly-publicized event, garnering her more relevance which would translate to more capital for her, right? What else do you expect? Shit, if I could get someone to foot the bill for a $10 million wedding and then PAY ME for being married why the fuck would I not do it?! Which brings us to the sanctity of marriage argument. Chances are, if you’re lambasting Kim for filing for divorce, you’re not someone who considers yourself a fan of Kim Kardashian. Chances are you often make jokes at her expense, calling her a whore/sham/fake/etc with malicious intent – albeit humorously. I’m just saying, you probably aren’t looking at this woman as someone who has got a good set of morals and is righteous and all that shit. And you shouldn’t because, as we discussed before, she was made famous by a sex tape. (In which Brandy’s little brother allegedly pissed on her? I CANNOT EVEN.) If we can all agree on the fact that she isn’t exactly saintly or righteous etc, then why are we expecting her to uphold this sanctity of marriage? Celebrity socialites are the last people I’d expect to do that! THEY GET PAID FOR BEING RELEVANT and a big splashy wedding is a huge way to gain some extra relevancy in the tabloids.
Honestly, Kim and/or her management and financial team = FUCKING SMART. Bitch is making bank, growing her business/brand and she has the entire world talking about her. And as Britney’s Blackout‘s debut at the #2 spot taught us, there’s no such thing as bad press in this day and age! World in the palm of her hands, honestly. Paris would do well to take some notes from her successor. (And that’s an entirely different argument.)
I just think people are expecting too much from Kim – hell, from any of the Kardashians! You follow these people’s lives as pure entertainment so why wouldn’t it make sense that the things they do are for that same reason, to provide entertainment?
(Also, I’m not saying people should stfu about the wedding/divorce/Kim – as a celebrity, by putting yourself in the public eye, you are putting everything you do up for scrutiny and discussion.)
*All statements are overly-dramatized and not meant to be indicative of the way the people I interact with on social media really talk/type/behave.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I JUST ENCOUNTERED SOME OF MY OLD “POETRY” FROM BACK WHEN I WAS, LIKE, AN EIGHTH GRADER ABOUT TO BE A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL. OH MY GOD.
This one is entitled “Leafless” (I M SO DEEP)
i look at the tree.
and stare at its leaves.
or, better, perhaps, the lack thereof.
there it stands,
the great creature,
naked as can be,
baring its soul to the world.
in a frenzied swirl,
red-golden leaves around my tree
are twirling downward.
i look and i think
and i realize,
this tree is what
i want to be.
it recognizes the inevitable:
the awesome mistress, Change.
Change, who, depending on her timeliness,
can be a curse or a blessing.
and yet, this tree succumbs every time.
for he knows she’s a-coming,
and he’s too old to fight.
so he lets the mistress take him,
and do what she feels is best.
and, when she is done,
the world can only see
what she begets.
and as i wait for my bus,
that is what i stare at,
the awe-inspiring product
of mistress change:
my beautiful, grand tree,
who stands there naked,
baring it soul,
leafless.
And here we have the soul-searching “Whatever”
It happened all at once,
even I’m not sure as to how.
One glimpse and I was gone.
It was that smile,
that intoxicating, beautiful smile.
It drew me in, and
put me under a spell.
It got me feeling this way.I never wanted to stop,
in my mind I always thought
it could happen.
How foolish and juvenile
my thoughts were.
Now, I’m broken,
and shattered into pieces,
for a reason unknown to me.I’ve felt this way before,
but never about someone like this.
It’s such a powerful, raw
an extremely deep feeling.
It renders my brain incapable
of thinking, my senses are gone
and I don’t know why.I want to know
what you were thinking.
Did you ever have a clue,
as I came out of the blue
and initiated conversation?
Hints were dropped,
of that I’m sure,
did you get them,
and just choose to ignore me?
What is the reason
you left me hoping for
a prize I cannot win?It’s cruel and painful
and leaves me just thinking,
why? The only thing I got
out of this, is a feeling
that only makes me cry.I wanna go away
and crawl under a rock
and never have to face you again.
Because though I knew you
for less than a while,
the feelings have stayed
and won’t ever die.It’s not that I hate you.
No, not at all.
I just don’t like me,
for taking a chance
once in a while.
This one, actually is really embarrassing. “Confession”
Dear Phil,
I hardly know you.
But, isn’t this what it’s all about?
Getting to know one another?
I can’t begin to describe how I feel,
without telling you why.
It’s your smile,
it intoxicates me,
and renders me senseless.
It robs me of all thought
and leaves me stunned,
and yearning for a taste.
And then, there’s your essence.
You seem real chill and cool,
and that attracts me,
like a mot to the flame
burning bright in your soul.
When we’ve spoken,
my sentences were unintelligent,
random phrases strung together.
You robbed me of my greatest gift,
the gift of talk.
And, no, it’s not love.
Not even close.
But, it’s a strong emotion
full of deep and raw passion.
The fact alone that you’re able to
make me feel this way
is reason enough to want to get to know you.
I want to get to know you, Phil.
And, not just what’s on the surface,
but what’s bubbling under,
I want to get in your brain,
under your skin, and,
figure out what makes you
tick. tock. tick.
Phil, I can see there’s depth to you,
and it intrigues me.
I want to dig through the layers,
and meet Phil.
Just Phil.
The thing is, Phil,
I like you, and I want to get to know you,
I want to be your friend.
I want to be there for you,
and I will.
But, most if all, Phil,
I want to know why you attract me,
and I want you to feel
the exact same way I do,
Phil.
And I think I believed I was Avril Lavigne at one point during this time period (which is weird because this was during the beginning of my Britney standom…) “Just Go”
I want to run away
and not turn back
not to look
not to return.
I want to leave
and run, just run
until I can’t run anymore.
then, fall down to my knees
clutching your picture
close to my heart.
& as the tears fall down
I’d sing the songs we danced to.
each and every one.
& as the tears fall down
I’d cry out to the heavens,
and I’d cry out to hell.
and ask why I deserved this,
why did the only thing
i ever wanted
leave?
& as the tears fall down
I’d dig my nails into my palms
until I start bleeding.
I’d watch the blood drip down my palms,
and drop down onto the gravel,
staining the earth,
leaving a part of me behind.
& as the tears fall down
I’d get up and walk,
just walk
with no path in mind.
and I’d hear my heartbeat
thump. thump thump. thump.
& as the tears fall down
I’d walk to the edge of the world,
and then I’d turn back
one final time.
I’d turn back to look,
and see what I’d left.
& as the tears fall down
I’d jump down into the
milky depths of the unknown.
& as the tears fall down,
I’d let go of your picture
and it would fall down to the earth,
and stay there,
moving only when the wind passes.
& as the tears fall down
I’d open my eyes
and reality would shift into place.
& as the tears fall down
I’d yell and fall down to my knees,
and watch you go.
& as the tears fall down
I’d get up and run and run
and run.
not turn back,
ever.
I actually cannot. I AM DECEASED.
It’s 4am on Thursday. I don’t have class until 7 o’clock tonight, thank the baby jesus. I am not yet tired so I was surfing the Internet as I usually do at this time of the day/night when no one else is awake to talk to me. This time, however, was different because I had a goal in mind: find out how much money Jennifer Lopez has made in endorsement deals in the past 12 months.
Honestly, that woman is everywhere.
That is a SHITLOAD of projects, which means a SHITLOAD of money is going to be coming her way this year. As a Jennifer Lopez fan, I’m beyond thrilled for her. So I was doing the research because I was thinking I could do a post on this if I get this position I’m gunning for on this campus publication – I thought it would be cool and this topic is something that’s been on my mind for MONTHS. (Yes, I spend my time thinking about how rich J.Lo is.)
So, I was scouring the Internet for this Very Important Reason when I came across this article from earlier on this year. I read through it, hoping for some information to aid my quest but it didn’t really do much in the way of assistance. Then, for some reason, I started to read the comments. Yes, that’s how bored I was/am. I read every single damn comment posted on that story (or at least every one on that page) and I was fuming by the end.
It’s normal for people to be mean-spirited towards celebrities, I understand this. I also understand J.Lo has a reputation for being “materialistic” and seeming “disingenuous.” I understand both of these claims, but I just disagree. First off, she’s a major celebrity with a lot of expendable income, and she’s also a woman who enjoys fine things. If she chooses to surround live a luxe life because she can afford it that makes her materialistic? And because she talks about being a grounded celebrity while spending large sums of money on shit most people don’t spend large sums of money on, she’s disingenuous? How dumb.
Again, I iterate that this woman is a major celebrity. She’s a high-profile figure, as is her husband. They are a wealthy couple. They have the money to support their lifestyle. If they choose to spend their money in this way, who are we to say they shouldn’t? That never makes any sense to me — when people dictate how others should be spending the money they earn.
Anyways, back to the comments. A lot of them were calling out J.Lo for exploiting her children for publicity. That, I laughed at. First, I can’t tell you prior to this, the last time I had seen any photos of Jennifer Lopez’s kids. Couldn’t tell you the last time I saw her parading them down Melrose Ave flocked by paparazzi. Definitely seems like someone who uses her kids for publicity. Second, this article was posted on January 18, 2011. Prior to then Jennifer had released a “comeback single” Louboutins in 2009. It flopped, yes, but it did revive her name a bit. Also in September of 2010, 4 months prior to the posting of this article, it was announced she was to be a judge on the then-upcoming season of American Idol. That surely got people talking about her again. I also don’t think Gucci would have approached someone they didn’t think was newsworthy. It was in part for charity, so why wouldn’t they capitalize on all the press they could get, and J.Lo was getting quite a bit of it so it seems like a match made in heaven. Because of this, I see no need for J.Lo to have thought, “Hmm, what’s a way I can garner some much-needed publicity since no one is thinking about me these days? Oh! I know, I’ll call up Gucci and ask them to let me and my children model for them!” Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly how it went down. She said Gucci approached her, and after conferring with her husband, she – or rather, they – agreed. I think that’s perfectly legitimate, feasible and respectable.
Which brings me to another point. A few commentors exclaimed that, although J.Lo has a charity of her own — to which Gucci donated in honor of the children’s line they were debuting — and has a history of being charitable and the children’s line being modeled for had a charitable tie-in (Gucci also donated $1 million to UNICEF’s Schools for Africa in honor of the collection), her credibility as a humanitarian was invalid because she wears fur. Because, you know, wearing fur has everything to do with humanitarian efforts.
J.Lo for charity?! A bit hypocritical if you ask me, since she has closets full of fur coats and she even boasts with it… She probably has more endangered animals than an average zoo, but sadly they are all dead.
So yeah, I don’t care how much she does for charity, for me it’s not worth anything coming from her.
if she is such a humanitarian, does she wear SO MUCH FUR? Without a doubt I was one of her biggest fans until that. To me it just shows SO MUCH IGNORANCE on her part. How can you be a good, kind, thoughtful, socially aware person in this world (of celebrity) and wear all that fur? I AM TRULY APPAULED at her behaviour and have lost all respect for her.
I was unaware that a person’s contributions to charity mean nothing once he or she dons a fur coat. But, you know, it makes a lot of sense — especially when the charity being supported has nothing at all to do with animal rights! While I don’t agree with fur (usually. I always excuse Karl Lagerfeld and Anna Wintour), I don’t see how someone’s choice to support fur invalidates his or her decision to support another cause?
And this is one of my favorite comments on there:
Sorry Jenny, but you can’t wear fur and be a good mother at the same time. Too bad.
Like, I actually cannot. What? In what world/universe/stratosphere does this reasoning/logic make any fucking sense?? I seem to have missed the connection that exists between not wearing fur and good parenting. I guess you can argue that her morals are in the wrong place because she chooses to wear fur, and thus she must be an awful mother. But that doesn’t really seem legitimate. It baffles me, though, to see how people who have no relationship to this woman feel as if they can adequately judge her parenting skills of all things.
And my last point of contention is the people who say she only posed for the money. This is a woman who’s supported charitable causes in the past and has even founded her own charity — and with her own sister, no less. I think that track record speaks for her willingness to attempt to do some good in the world. But there are people who say that she only does these charity events for publicity and money. To that I say, a) when a charity is involved in a project, I’m willing to bet publicity is never a bad thing and b) she’s a celebrity, aka someone who gets money thrown at her for the most inane reasons. Even if she is doing it for the publicity she’s still doing some good by brining awareness to the charity which might, in turn, propel a fan of hers to donate to the cause. And what’s the harm in that – her heart isn’t in it? If she’s running her celebrity like a business, you expect her to care too? She has to be a corporation and a human being at the same time? Poor woman. And if she does it for the money, I can’t really blame her. I’m sure if I were in a position to negotiate a price for my being involved in a charitable project, I would not object to this. I’m willing to bet the majority of people on this planet like money and like being paid. Even if she was doing this to be paid, she’s still a high-profile figure so, as I said before, her involvement gets the charity attention. Everyone’s happy: she has a larger bank account and the charity has a broader audience. Well, everyone’s happy except the 40-something-year-old stay-at-home moms who have time to leave malicious comments on articles like this rather than, I don’t know, find a legitimate job.
Yes, I know my bias as a J.Lo supporter clouds my judgment and renders all of my arguments subjective, but I don’t think I’m so madly in love with this beautiful woman that I don’t make sense. It’s these sad women commenting on People.com that don’t make any sense…
